Gaining Confidence as an Artist

We all seem to have insecurities of one kind or another. Some of them are passed on by our parents anxiety, but most of them are a result of our own inability to throw ourselves into the world with abandon and make our mark. If we were to share how terribly insecure we felt at moments in our lives when we wanted to try something new, and just didn't have the moxie to take that step, some people would be incredulous. That is only because they have a self confidence that some of us lack.  Some folks are paralyzed by insecurity and let it rule their very lives, too afraid to take little steps that would help them grow. Overcoming those anxieties is all about growing up and gaining confidence through our trials and good experiences. We all deal with it in a different way.

I have had a good life and although I started out somewhat timidly, I gained confidence gradually through some successes in employment that gave me responsibilities. The event that changed my confidence tremendously and level of maturity was being inducted into the U. S. Army and going through intensive training to prepare me for combat in Vietnam. The training helped mature me, and let me know how to behave in a combat situation. However; until I was actually faced with that life and death struggle, I had no idea of how I would actually respond. When my platoon was confronted with a major ambush that felled some of our ranks and wounded others, I found myself performing confidently and almost methodically the way I had been trained. Yes, it was a frightening, horrible time, but I lived to fight another day, and each day thereafter I got stronger inside. That is true for every journey if you keep going.

After the Vietnam war I chose law enforcement as a career and successfully went up the ranks through my career, retiring as a lieutenant 25 years later. I had a second career with another State agency that oversees law enforcement training and retired from that also. I resolved to do something different when I retired, and while I did some consulting for awhile, it was not the direction I wanted to pursue really and the economy was not cooperating.

My wife had a brilliant idea, and one I will always be grateful for. She gave me the gift of pastel lessons with a local award winning artist and I realized when I went to classes that I really wanted to get back into art. It had been my first love as a teenager, and I felt on fire with the desire to paint again. Getting over those first jitters was the hard part. Going into a field where one has had no formal training and knows very little about color, or design makes one gulp with in trepidation. Having our own cheering section to boost our confidence is a necessary and a very critical part to assuring a modicum of success.

My second encourager after my wife (She was first) was my pastel teacher and mentor, Reif Erickson.  He is an exceptional painter, a natural teacher and the author of a number of books on pastel painting techniques. He guided me, taught me and I watched him, listened and learned so much from him about various techniques that would make me a better painter. Each week we would assemble in his studio, only four or five students at a time, to watch in awe as he would demonstrate the painting of the day. He would begin by sketching it and then painting the entire landscape scene in about 45 minutes explaining what he was doing and why he was using a particular dark color as an under painting. Once he was satisfied with his painting, he would set his pastels down, stand back and look for a moment and then say, "There, now its your turn." With that he would take a sheaf of photos and pass one out to each student to use for "their" painting. 

Those weekly challenges in his studio helped me gain confidence. While I would get a pretty good rendition done in class, I would always take them home to work on them until they met my personal level of satisfaction for being finished. Cindy was very complimentary as was my daughter Amber who was living with us at the time. Early on it was just personally satisfying to create a pretty landscape. Then the bug bit me deeper and I began going out looking for scenes I wanted to paint, so that I had something that was original and all my own. For a while, I was painting two scenes a week, one in class and one on my time that I would take in to have Reif give me feedback on. As my confidence grew, I got better. I gave a landscape painting to my brother for his birthday of Half Dome, because the two of us had gone to Yosemite for a weekend photo shoot like we used to do when we were young and single.

My son Colin a successful Graphic Designer encouraged me to get a Flickr site on the web and put my paintings on it. He sent me the link and I enrolled in their free program and began uploading my paintings to an artists pastel site. The feedback from other artists on my paintings helped my confidence tremendously. Eventually I chatted with some of those that became friends, just like the Face Book Network allows people all over the world to connect.  It was another source of knowledge, learning and most importantly, peer support. It has also given me the opportunity to encourage other artists to keep creating beautiful things for others to enjoy.

I began getting different kinds of paper to experiment with different surfaces, and also added to my pastel collection. I had started with the list Reif had wanted us each to have in class, but was now expanding my color spectrum so I had more greens, blue and browns to use in my landscapes. I tackled more difficult subjects to push myself.  A good friend who liked my painting style came to me and asked me if he could commission me to paint four paintings of places that he and his wife loved.  I jumped at the chance and threw myself into the challenge, determined that they would get paintings that would indeed remind them of their favorite places. I found that painting scenes that others liked was very difficult. The scenes were not ones I would necessarily have chosen to paint, but since I wanted to make sure they were pleased, it pushed me further and I gained more confidence as I finished each one.

By this time, I was buying frames and cutting my own mats with a professional C&H mat cutter I had purchased from a shop that was down sizing their framing section. Once I had matted and framed all four of these paintings in two foot square custom frames, they were all ready to hang. I went to my friends home, and we carefully measured and hung the grouping on a wall of their newly decorated living room and they looked wonderful. My clients were delighted, and I was beaming with satisfaction that I had accomplished a major hurdle in my newest career as a fledgling artist. I joined our local Placer Arts Council and also the Blue Line Gallery in Roseville to meet other artists, and to open other art opportunities.

As my technique and knowledge increased, so did my desire to paint bigger and better paintings. I finally began entering national contests with some of my paintings that I felt confident about. While I have not won any, it has not dissuaded me from continuing to try. I have been reading many books by different successful pastel artists, Richard McKinley, Barbara Secor, Maggie Price, Margot Schulzke and others including my mentor Reif Erickson's, to learn more of other techniques and wisdom. I also began some self promotion attempts with my art with some local places taking my portfolio around to show merchants. I was successful in having a meeting with a local restaurant owner and will have an opportunity to hang some of my paintings in her business establishment next month. I was also contacted by a local doctor who asked me if I would be interested in hanging some of my paintings in her remodeled offices beginning in March. I entered a juried show at the Roseville's Blue Line Gallery where I am a member, and received a huge break. I was notified I was one of ten finalists invited to show their paintings on a Masterpiece Medley Show at the Vista Gallery in February.

This has been over a year's journey and the ride is wonderful. It has filled me with a desire to succeed in a completely different field.  It has also given me a wonderful sense of fulfillment and satisfaction at this time in my life. The best part is that it has fueled my creative side and given me new confidence as well as new goals to work toward. Whatever your journey is, it is up to you to strive, and struggle to get there. Reach for that goal, work for that confidence and satisfaction that comes from the journey. Nothing is impossible if you keep going and want it badly enough.